Search term bonanza
I haven’t checked any on else’s, but I think this blog must get hits from the most amusing search terms in the world. I thought I’d pull out a few, which show an amusing mixture of fetishy fun and hilarious homophobia.
From today, we have “are dark jeans gay” as our only search engine hit. For whoever it is who searched: Yes. Yes they are. In fact, I was just shopping for them earlier today. (Nothing will ever replace my magic jeans, except maybe the replacement pair I’m coming close to breaking down and buying from the evil conglomerate, the only store that still sells them.)
What’s more, dark jeans are so gay that it’s not just wearing them that makes you fall in love with members of the same sex, but thinking about them alone will do it. And if you managed to type the words “dark jeans” into a search engine? Well dude, you must already be gay.
On May 27, I got a hit from the term “how to tell a gay in public.” I’m not quite sure what they were going for with that one, but here are a few clues. It was probably a straight (or “straight”) guy, because in my experience they’re the most likely to say “a gay” instead of “a gay person” without any trace of sarcasm.
Also, gay people actually looking for members of the “family” either know where to look in their area, or at the very least they know how to find a personals site. I mean really, how hard is it?
The pessimist in me sees this as a searcher hoping to learn how to spot a ‘mo so he can tell when he’s being checked out and dispense some “justice.” My more empathetic side sees a “straight” guy who doesn’t want to admit he’s gay, or maybe a “newbie” gay. This more agreeable hypothetical chap (MAHC) is just looking for some evidence that he’s not alone, which frankly is the entire point of this blog.
So if it was you searching, MAHC, don’t worry. You’re not alone. And you could totally take that other guy.
My absolute favorite search term that’s brought people here has to be “sneezing hard.” When I wrote my post on sneezing, it was totally off the cuff. Only later did it occur to me that I had basically posted a magnet for gay sneezing fetishists, something I’m reminded of daily thanks to that “sneezing” tag and WordPress’ lovely stats features.
I’ll be sure to put that tag on this post too, just to generate more traffic. If you feel cheated, just imagine me going for a vigorous eight rounds of “ka-choo!” like I do several times throughout the course of a normal day.
Contrary to what some might expect, I find that last one the most innocuous. (Actually, that’s probably exactly what they’d expect.) Because there’s nothing wrong with a sneezing fetish, even if I do think it’s kind of funny. Really – and this is no great secret – all sex is hilarious if you’re not into it.
For those straights of you in the audience who are wondering: Yes, you look just as weird to us as we do to you. (As long as you ignore all that “years of heteronormative socialization” nonsense.) And the boy and I do often wonder, “Wow, how on earth can straight couples relate to each other that way?” (get your mind out of the gutter!), or “How weird would it be to not have any idea how your partner’s body/brain chemistry worked?”
My honest guess? It doesn’t make any difference.