Half obituary, half Blast from the Past (we’ll call it 2.5)
I spent last Thanksgiving with my father and brother in suburban Philadelphia, while he spent it with his mother and grandmother on the Hudson Valley. I was one of the few in my office who had to work on Black Friday, so Thursday evening I drove back to New Jersey. It was either that night or early the next day – I can’t remember which – that he came up, but either way, after work we went shopping.
There are a bunch of “malls” clustered together in Lawrence (although I only consider the Quakerbridge Mall a real mall), and that’s was the focus of our expedition. Aeropostale had a half-off sale, and we went nuts. At nearby Filene’s Basement in the Mercer Mall, where I usually strike out, only certain items were half off. One of them was a pair of jeans.
I hate buying jeans. They all look the same on the rack, but it takes forever to find a pair my size. I don’t know if it’s because I’m uncommonly thin or just as thin as everybody else, but either way, the sizes that fit me are a real pain to come by.
Enter the Magic Jeans. They had a nice dark color that’s in fashion but timeless, fit me well without being too tight, and had a very nice interior feel. And after all the reductions, they were about $8.
Fast forward to today, when I snagged them on the nail that just moments ago was sticking out of this ancient desk upon which my computer sits. The nail has since been hammered in, just as I have been hammering myself for not doing this earlier. But my jeans are no more. And with them go a piece of that fun evening, where we encountered relatively little trouble in public and partook in the universal joy of spending money in the winter.
So here, without further ado, is the obituary, put together from my months of experience editing them. I always knew it would come in handy some day, but I never dreamed it would be such a dark one.
HIGHTSTOWN – Magic Jeans were snagged on a loose nail and ripped Sunday after almost 6 months of faithful showing off.
Purchased on “Black” Friday, November 23, 2007, this pair of jeans served to make the author, of Hightstown, somehow look even awesomer, and filled the void as his comfortable pair of dark jeans. Seeing them on sale at Filene’s Basement, reduced by half from their already low cost to the extremely reasonable price of about $8, he found that they fit perfectly.
Furthermore, they magically never got stained, despite a serious spill of pomegranate tea, and a tomato sauce incident which went neglected for some time.
They are survived by the author, and his partner; their mother; father; brother; many aunts, uncles, cousins, half-siblings/nieces/nephews; and a great many admirers.