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Half obituary, half Blast from the Past (we’ll call it 2.5)

May 18, 2008
Levi Strauss signature men's loose straight jeans

Rest in peace, my friends.

I spent last Thanksgiving with my father and brother in suburban Philadelphia, while he spent it with his mother and grandmother on the Hudson Valley. I was one of the few in my office who had to work on Black Friday, so Thursday evening I drove back to New Jersey. It was either that night or early the next day – I can’t remember which – that he came up, but either way, after work we went shopping.

There are a bunch of “malls” clustered together in Lawrence (although I only consider the Quakerbridge Mall a real mall), and that’s was the focus of our expedition. Aeropostale had a half-off sale, and we went nuts. At nearby Filene’s Basement in the Mercer Mall, where I usually strike out, only certain items were half off. One of them was a pair of jeans.

I hate buying jeans. They all look the same on the rack, but it takes forever to find a pair my size. I don’t know if it’s because I’m uncommonly thin or just as thin as everybody else, but either way, the sizes that fit me are a real pain to come by.

Enter the Magic Jeans. They had a nice dark color that’s in fashion but timeless, fit me well without being too tight, and had a very nice interior feel. And after all the reductions, they were about $8.

Fast forward to today, when I snagged them on the nail that just moments ago was sticking out of this ancient desk upon which my computer sits. The nail has since been hammered in, just as I have been hammering myself for not doing this earlier. But my jeans are no more. And with them go a piece of that fun evening, where we encountered relatively little trouble in public and partook in the universal joy of spending money in the winter.

So here, without further ado, is the obituary, put together from my months of experience editing them. I always knew it would come in handy some day, but I never dreamed it would be such a dark one.

Magic Jeans

HIGHTSTOWN – Magic Jeans were snagged on a loose nail and ripped Sunday after almost 6 months of faithful showing off.

Purchased on “Black” Friday, November 23, 2007, this pair of jeans served to make the author, of Hightstown, somehow look even awesomer, and filled the void as his comfortable pair of dark jeans. Seeing them on sale at Filene’s Basement, reduced by half from their already low cost to the extremely reasonable price of about $8, he found that they fit perfectly.

Furthermore, they magically never got stained, despite a serious spill of pomegranate tea, and a tomato sauce incident which went neglected for some time.

They are survived by the author, and his partner; their mother; father; brother; many aunts, uncles, cousins, half-siblings/nieces/nephews; and a great many admirers.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. saperle permalink
    May 18, 2008 6:50 pm

    I would call you a giant dork, except I just found my OWN pair of Magic Jeans (first pair I tried on, on sale for an absurdly low amount, and don’t have to be hemmed, which for me DOESN’T HAPPEN) and I would be sad if I lost them.

    Also, I owe you for the Doctor Who. :-)

    So instead I’ll shed a tear for your Magic Jeans.

  2. stef permalink
    May 19, 2008 10:37 am

    seriously jean-ius. haha. love it!

  3. Shep permalink
    May 27, 2008 12:16 pm

    Magic comes, and magic goes. It’s the cycle that helps us truly appreciate the good things in life. I am sorry for your loss, but I am heartened in knowing that nothing, nothing can ever truly rob the world of the magic that resides in Geoff’s pants.

    And although your jeans left you, at least they had to courtesy not to leave you Pantless in Public.

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