Mike and I ventured into the city today for New York City Pride 2011, which was conveniently less than 48 hours since Gov. Andrew Cuomo signed the just-passed marriage equality bill into law. We knew it would be a huge event, but I hadn’t quite realized it would draw the hundreds of thousands of people NPR has reported attending.

I generally have mixed feelings about pride events. On the one hand, there’s something very empowering about being among so many LGBTerrific folks and allies, but I also cringe at some of the overtly adult and stereotype-reinforcing behavior at what are often advertised as family friendly events.

One of the march’s grand marshals, activist and sex columnist extraordinaire Dan Savage, has expressed similar sentiments on his blog, so I felt a little less guilty about my presence. (And it was a very festive mood, so it was hard to feel too bad, but don’t let them hear you calling the festivities a parade!) Dan rode with his husband and co-founder of the It Gets Better Project, Terry Miller.

We also saw the likes of marriage equality supporters Gov. Cuomo and openly gay City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Since they were marching, they probably managed to avoid hearing “Born This Way,” which nearly every musical group, band and float was playing.

Our friend Jon Cruz, who took this lovely picture of the aforementioned politicians, wore a get-up that included rainbow-colored wings, and he was quite the attraction for photographers. If you see a man in glasses, a pink cowboy hat and rainbow wings in any photos, leave a comment below!

A video Mike took of the Flaggots, a talented group with a crass-yet-empowering name. Note the music.

The New York State Senate just voted 33-29 to pass marriage equality. There had been hope we could win by a single vote, so it was amazing to hear moving speeches from former anti-marriage Republican Senators Saland (who represents my old haunt, Poughkeepsie), Grisanti and Kruger.

This vote was by no means a done deal. When the GOP swept the election after a Democrat-controlled Senate defeated marriage two years ago, it was widely thought we had no shot at it this year. Gov. Cuomo did an impressive job of getting equality the attention it deserves, and I thank him personally for giving us equal rights in his state. This vote means even more to the people it affects than I expect the senators realize.

Read more about the bill’s passage from the New York Times, and read what I said in real time on my Twitter feed, @gayinpublic.

Correction: Oh gosh, was it really already two years ago, not just one? Spooky.

The other indicator I needed to update was meeting up with my friend K for lunch. She told me I was slacking, or more specifically, “You need to update already!”

And so I present to you, below, the first piece I ever wrote in what would become the tradition of Gay in Public.

7/08/06

It’s so strange to me that it’s almost funny; holding hands in public can be an act of defiance without your even realizing it. While I hold grandiose notions of reestablishing social norms, all I really want to do when I’m walking down the street is to touch the man I love. I understand how public displays of affection might make people uncomfortable, but I honestly and truly do not see what makes our’s so threatening or even interesting. Reactions to us fall so neatly into very distinct categories— admirers, detractors, gaze-avoiders, and deer caught in headlights. People are lucky I have a sense of humor and that I’m not one of those people who backs into the guy tailgating him.

I have no great philosophical point to put forward. I just wanted to reflect on how bizarre it is to be thought weird for doing something that feels more natural than I imagined anything ever could. While I’m an expert at finding flaws in myself, I’ve never been one to abuse other people, but it seems to me that some people turn the irrational judgment I use on myself on their peers, even complete strangers. Why is that? I suppose one’s hatred of oneself might drive a need to find something else to hate more. I can’t believe that people could learn hatred from their upbringing and simply never question it, but then, they say that people will always surprise you. I guess that’s what I hate—complacent ignorance, unexamined beliefs.

Since then, we’ve seen couples meet and get married; we’ve even been at some of those weddings. We’ve endured two summers apart—one when I worked in Minnesota, and another when he traveled the country—and a year separated (physically) by an ocean while I taught in France.

Even when we’ve been “near” each other, we’ve still been in different states, which many people would consider “long-distance,” but I’d like to think we’ve weathered it all rather well. After all, we did put together a helpful guide for our dear friends, one of the aforementioned couples who went through a similar Franco-American trial, and who are also coming through unscathed. In fact, they got married!

I worked all day and can’t come to see you yet, Mike, but let me squeeze at least this under the wire: Happy anniversary.

I read “Hero” pretty soon after finishing my year teaching English in France and returning to the U.S. I had a little bit of time off, which I soon learned I hated, and Moore’s book was one of the things that pulled me out of my funk and really got me engaged in the world again. It’s the story of Thom, a d-list superhero with no codename and less-than-ideal powers, who’s also gay and the son of someone who’s essentially a stand-in for Superman. It was just the kind of book I could have used as a teenager.

Moore was also a writer and producer of some note, and his website was home to a disturbing but influential list of all the gay comic book characters who have been killed off, a trend he said spurred him to write his own novel. It went on to win a Lambda Award.

“I have always been enthralled with comic books and superheroes, and I’ve always believed there should be a gay superhero. Not as a joke, not as a supporting character, not as a victim, not as a token, but as a real front-and-center hero. I’ve always been surprised by how few gay heroes there are in comic books, and I decided I would write the definitive coming-of-age story of the world’s first gay teen superhero,” he said what has become an oft-quoted inverview on his website.

I’ve long been awaiting the TV version of “Hero,” which is apparently still in development, and the sequel to the novel he said he was writing, which I doubt will ever see the light of day. At the very least, I hope his work—and the impetus behind it—can gain more exposure, perhaps moving the world a little closer to the one he tried to create through it.

On Glee, we watched as Blaine (Darren Criss) inexpertly serenaded a would-be boyfriend at the latter’s workplace, a Gap store. Too bad the older guy and his boss didn’t appreciate the very public advances, leaving him without a job. And through it all, Kurt (Chris Colfer) is heartbroken because he thinks Blaine is going to serenade him, and when he finally tells him, Blaine admits he doesn’t have any clue what he’s doing.

This passes for realistic on Glee.

There are a few great things going on there. First, it’s exactly the kind of thing you’d expect in any other teen drama, without any added drama about coming out, how incredibly hard! it is to be gay, or any other extraneous plot. Sure, it’s a ridiculous storyline—how quickly do you think they’d get kicked out of a real store?—but it’s actually very believable by Glee’s standards. (Let’s recall that no one seemed to think anything of having a high school Glee club do the music at a wedding, and people were only mildly indignant at the prospect of shooting a girl out of a clearly deadly cannon.)

More importantly, I think, it showed us a more relatable side of Blaine. Up until now I’ve been pretty open in my criticism of what’s seemed a perfect character. Last week, he admitted he’s clueless about relationships and is afraid of messing things up with the Kurt, the one person who seems most likely to actually become his boyfriend. (The producers can tease us all they want, but it’s pretty obvious they’ll end up dating.)

Later in the week, I found myself nearly dying from laughing at the Valentine’s Day episode of Community. In the second plot line, Britta (Gillian Jacobs), the outspoken, leftist nonconformist thinks very highly of herself because she has a friend who’s a lesbian. She lords her superior acceptance of lesbians over her younger, less worldly friend Annie, who discovers that Britta’s friend is actually a straight woman who thinks Britta’s the lesbian and also thinks she’s the bee’s knees because of her willingness to be friends with someone who’s so unjustly treated.

Their determination to prove themselves as the least homophobic people at the school culminates with them actually kissing at the school dance.

Click through to see the kiss: Community – Ep 215: A Lesbian Kiss – Video – NBC.com.

I come from an educational background where people could occasionally be equally headstrong in their desire to be the most accepting, least homophobic, etc. and it was impressive to see those actions so perfectly lampooned. There certainly are people who want to prove how cool they are by having a gay friend, and it’s a very weird experience to be the object of their hetero-counternormative affections. (And for the record, I’ve certainly been accused of being as politically righteous as “Britta the Needlessly Defiant.”)

On a more personal note, today marks the third anniversary of this blog. While my first post came Feb. 24, 2008, it was inspired by the first Valentine’s Day meal Mike and I shared, this one at a restaurant in Princeton. At one point during the meal I found myself thinking that no one was treating us too weirdly, then how strange a thought that was to have, and then how bizarre it was to me that no one else had to think that way. This flighty thought association led here and ultimately to the firestorm of comments regarding my thoughts on Chick-Fil-A, by far my most-viewed post ever.

Thanks for sticking around, folks! Happy Valentine’s Day!

Iowa’s Supreme Court surprised the rest of the country when, citing a history of leadership in civil rights, it ruled in 2009 that same-sex couples there had the right to wed. Anti-gay activists ran a successful campaign to dismiss three of those assenting justices, marking the first time since voting was instituted in ’60s that Supreme Court justices were not reelected.

On Tuesday, those same political forces pushed a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage through the Iowa House with a 62-37 vote, according to the Iowa Independent, with three Democrats joining all of their Republican colleagues to pass the measure. It would still need to pass in the state Senate, which looks unlikely, and then pass through both bodies again in two years before it could even go to a general vote.

Those who voted “yes” used arguments like this one from Rep. Rich Anderson (R-Clarinda), as quoted in the Independent:

“If we remove the gender requirement for marriage, there is no rational basis to define the number,” he said. “So we open up the possibility of the constitutional recognition of polygamous relationships. That’s a slippery slope. And I don’t know where the logic is to draw the line. We wouldn’t recognize incestuous relationships between two consenting adult brothers and sisters. That raises up within us disgust, and we can’t accept that. We draw lines. We define marriage.”

Enter Zach Wahls, a 19-year-old college student whose parents are lesbians. Before the House voted, he explained why it would be harmful and how the claims that gay couples can’t raise healthy children are wrong. His words may have fallen on deaf ears in the Iowa House Republicans, but he gave a truly inspiring speech that has rightfully received national attention.

Update: Zach Wahls and his family speak about the aftershocks of his testimony.

It was with a bit of a surprise yesterday morning that I opened the New York Times to see the article “A Chicken Chain’s Corporate Ethos Is Questioned by Gay Rights Advocates.” It seems the NYT has finally noticed LGBT folks’ growing frustration with a company that claims to be “family friendly” while at the same time working to deny many families basic rights. Talk about political déjà vu!

It’s never been a secret that Chick-fil-A is a right-wing Christian organization. They’re closed on Sundays, which founder S. Truett Cathy has reportedly said is “our way of honoring God,” and the chain frequently gives out religious toys with its kids meals. Early this month, the story broke that a local eatery was sponsoring anti-gay marriage conferences, this time in my home state of Pennsylvania. For those with strong stomaches, there’s a video on the website for The Art of Marriage, the organization behind the conferences. In the classic style of these kinds of religious promos, it’s overproduced, features unnecessary sports metaphors (ooh, a spat is just like football!), and waits a couple minutes to wallop you with its true intent.

The ensuing brouhaha led to this ridiculous statement from Chick-fil-A corporate on their Facebook page (as preserved on Wikipedia):

First and foremost, thanks for your patience as we made sure we gathered the facts in regards to recent postings. We have determined that one of our independent Restaurant Operators in Pennsylvania was asked to provide sandwiches to two Art of Marriage video seminars. As our fans, you know we do our best to serve our local communities, and one of the ways we do that is by providing food to schools, colleges, civic groups, businesses, places of worship, not-for-profit groups, etc. At his discretion, the local Operator agreed to simply provide a limited amount of food. Our Chick-fil-A Operators and their employees try very hard every day to go the extra mile in serving ALL of our customers with honor, dignity and respect.

Like many right-wing politicians, Chick-fil-A wants us to know that they’re concerned with our “honor” (read: wallets), but that they’re still going to fight tooth and nail to make sure we don’t have equal rights. I wonder, would they expect anyone to swallow this if they provided food for a group that rallied against a religious or ethnic minority? It seems people are finally starting to realize what’s going on, and I’m hoping it hits the chain in the “honor” too. You can’t have it both ways: either you’re for everyone’s rights and you don’t try to oppress anyone, or you put some people above others. You can’t have your greasy chicken and eat it too.

Since the article was published, the company has responded with another statement from President Dan Cathy, which netizens have already picked apart. Here’s the section I found most significant:

Chick-fil-A’s Corporate Purpose is “To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us, and to have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A.”  As a result, we will not champion any political agendas on marriage and family. This decision has been made, and we understand the importance of it.  At the same time, we will continue to offer resources to strengthen marriages and families. To do anything different would be inconsistent with our purpose and belief in Biblical principles.

On its face, his pledge sounds progressive, but that caveat at the end is telling. What would actually change if they continue to offer those “resources” at the exclusion of LGBT families? Political acts aren’t confined to campaign donations.

Being a vegetarian, it may be easier for me to resist Chick-fil-A’s processed meat sandwiches. But I will admit that their waffle fries are delicious, so don’t think I’m sidestepping this sacrifice completely. I haven’t shopped at Target since it has shown it will say one thing (that it supports LGBT people) and do another (fund anti-gay candidates, even after promising not to). And don’t get me started on Wal-Mart, where I never go. I’m not a rich man, and I feel the pinch of pricier stores and the pain of no waffle fries, but I’m not willing to put any dollars—however few of them—directly against my self-interest or what I believe is right.

From the NPR News story:

“It is time to close this chapter in our history,” Obama said in a statement after a test vote cleared the way for final action. “It is time to recognize that sacrifice, valor and integrity are no more defined by sexual orientation than they are by race or gender, religion or creed.”

The repeal of this policy was long overdue. There was absolutely no evidence that making the military inclusive would harm it; in fact, there was overwhelming evidence from other countries that it would have no ill effect whatsoever. A Pentagon study undertaken in anticipation of the vote surveyed the military and found 70% of respondents didn’t think repeal would have an adverse effect. Unsurprisingly, most Republicans were adamant that repeal would take the U.S. into completely uncharted waters, and Sen. John McCain was even today grasping at those straws. As he was quoted by NPR News:

“They will do what is asked of them,” McCain said of service members. “But don’t think there won’t be a great cost.”

Marine Corps Commandant Gen. James Amos expressed similar fears earlier in the week. “‘I don’t want to lose any Marines to the distraction,”’ NPR quoted him. “‘I don’t want to have any Marines that I’m visiting at Bethesda [Naval Medical Center] with no legs be the result of any type of distraction.”’

While these ridiculous, unfounded and biased fears lost today, it’s not as clear a victory as I would have liked. The actual repeal of the policy still awaits several layers of bureaucratic approval beyond the nearly year-long aforementioned study, and with not everyone in the military on board, that could take a while. Even if I were to agree that everyone would need to be trained to learn how not to discriminate, it still shouldn’t take long to figure out how to implement the new bill—there are already numerous sensitivity training workshops available. Furthermore, given the military’s top-down command structure, service members shouldn’t have too much trouble with an order as simple as, “Don’t fire people for admitting who they are.”

It’s funny to think how just this past March my pro-LGBT stance earned me an angry letter at my old job as a newspaper reporter from someone who didn’t approve of an inclusive force. The writer, who signed himself “One of the Majority,” had this to say:

Because there is resentment in commingling, the homosexuals should ask to have their own unit. As for me I would rather spend a 20 year career with people who wanted me as opposed to forcing myself in where I was not welcome.

Even if we have a long way to go, both on ending DADT and on other fronts in the fight for LGBT rights, it’s refreshing to see the kind of backward thinking demonstrated above suffer the blow it did today.

Labeled a “high-level panel,” it was an amazing event filled with very notable speakers including U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon; U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Susan Rice; Desmond Tutu (in a pre-recorded video address); many other ambassadors and officials; and several activists fighting for their rights at the ground level and against serious, institutional opposition. Check IGLHRC’s website for complete transcripts of all the speeches made that day and a video.

It’s easy for we LGBT Americans to worry about the struggles we face every day, but much of it—and certainly my personal experience—pales in comparison to the troubles of people like Civil Society speaker Linda Baumann, the interim director of Out-Right Namibia.

Here’s part of her speech, which I found very moving. It’s a long quote but well worth reading:

I sit here in front of  you representing a movement of  sexually and gender diverse people from my continent, “Africa,” whose lives are in danger. We are people who live in fear, people who are denounced from our families, who have school fees and support withdrawn, people who cannot freely express themselves and feel good about themselves, all due to the prejudice, stigma and discrimination that we face because of  the people we love or the way we express our gender.

What harm do we cause to our immediate families, communities and our nations at-large? What harm am I causing to you all sitting here that could defer the developments of  our national states?

It hurts to know that in my continent, the mere mention of  my identity will mean that my right to privacy is infringed and that my private life will be questioned by the government. The dominance of  heteronormativity, sanctions me to limited rights just because I do not conform.

The future of  lives is dependent on the current leadership, but with recent developments it’s clear that the loss of  lives will increase in the years to come.I call upon all member states to respect the universality of  human rights and passionately work to protect all of their diverse citizens.

Along with the three activists’ talks, I was also struck by the strong language of the ambassadors and other officials. Secretary General Ban, for instance, was unequivocal in his support for LGBT rights and his recognition of the current global political situation:

Today, many nations have modern constitutions that guarantee essential rights and liberties. And yet, homosexuality is considered a crime in more than 70 countries. This is not right. Yes, we recognize that social attitudes run deep. Yes, social change often comes only with time.Yet let there be no confusion: Where there is tension between cultural attitudes and universal human rights, rights must carry the day. Personal disapproval–even society’s disapproval–is no excuse to arrest, detain, imprison, harass or torture anyone–ever.

U.S. Ambassador Rice enumerated the steps we’ve taken in this country on LGBT rights since President Obama took office, and even though I’ve often frustrated by the slow pace of his administration, it was an admittedly long list. And to her credit, she acknowledged that plenty of work remains on that front. “The story of my country is, in part, a story of the expanding boundaries of rights and dignity—of the way that discrimination and prejudice have been countered by acceptance and equality,” she said.

“As we can never forget, change comes from human agency. It comes from people—like the human rights defenders with us here today—people who refuse to give up and who refuse to move to the back of the bus. It comes from the leaders, the activists, and the ordinary men and women who believe that all human beings have equal worth, equal dignity, equal consequence—and equal rights,” she added.

Rice also announced the U.S. would push for a standalone resolution to add back in a reference to sexual orientation that was removed in November from a committee’s resolution against extrajudicial, summary and arbitrary executions. An astonishing 79 countries voted last month to remove the reference, including well-known LGBT oppressors like Egypt and Uganda and more surprising countries like South Africa, where same-sex marriage is legal even though the LGBT community still faces a great deal of resistance.

Discussion of that resolution and its associated amendments made up a decent portion of the speeches that day, and it wasn’t lost on me that it’s all a matter of semantics. Even if the U.S. and other countries do manage to add the reference back in, the resolution, like this event, will be purely symbolic. But it’s far too easy to overlook the power of symbolic gestures; let’s not forget how much it stings to have your relationship considered equivalent to a straight couple’s but still labeled differently. Words matter.

Let me end with another statement from SG Ban, one that made it into my notebook because it struck such a chord with me:

Human Rights Day commemorates the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. It is not called the partial declaration of human rights. It is not the sometimes declaration of human rights. It is the Universal Declaration, guaranteeing all human beings their basic human rights… without exception.